Beastlands' Tower

Beastlands' Tower
Perpetrator Ragazzi
Also Culpable Valeria, neobolts

First appearing in Merc Party, Beastlands' Tower is a comical nightmare of inconsistently linked rooms, basic inability to observe the obvious, and the campaign-FUBARing Staff of Plotholes.

Beastlands the Wizard

The insane wizard Beastlands is the owner of this improbable, plane-shifting, nonsensical pseudoprison.

Key Features


Merc Party

The Merc Party ends up horribly lost in Beastlands Tower, while searching for a staff they need to stop a drow plot that threatens the world.


Beastlands Tower wanders between continuities for the first time. On the world of Narsha, Beastlands' Tower is causing trouble for the painfully dumb citizens of Billyton.

Age of High Culture

During the Age of High Culture on the Twin Worlds, the party helps a noble human bard named Darias of Ryslin obtain a shocker lizard so he can return to human form after he was changed into a bugbear by a wizard. They traveled to Marcola where they retrieved a shocker lizard from Beastlands' Tower. Afterwards, Darian of Rysfin impregnated Naru during a night of passion.


The pillaging pirates of Prophecy face Trial By Beastlands[2]. The party joins Trixie on her "Pixie Vision Quest" in which they visit the other rooms in Beastlands' tower (since the planet IS a room in Beastlands' tower). In order, the party visits the diamond chandelier room, the Narsha room, the kitchen, the treasure room, the pantry, the Staves of Plotholes Room, and Beastlands' bedroom. They return to their home room, where Beastlands allows them to modify the world to their liking. Unfortunately for Panchu, the rest of the party then killed the IBDM (Itty-Bitty Dust Mite) and restored the world to normal.

Minute Plumbing

Vostok and the others from Minute Plumbing encountered Beastlands' Tower.


Crossing continuities again, the Beastmen party finds themselves dealing with two neighbors in wizard towers that can't get along: Beastlands and Taxil Necrobane!

Dragon Artifacts

Beastlands' Tower comes to Toril, and the amoral mercenaries (who were still working for mind flayers at that time, though they didn't know it yet) raid the tower for a purpose no longer remembered. The half-orc druid Korgash, servant of Talos, took up the Staff of Plotholes, and decided to reshape the world, destroying the kingdom of Cormyr with a kingdom-sized Storm of Vengeance, imploding the entire populace of Silverymoon, Jewel of the North, and pulverizing the entire island of Evermeet, sanctuary of the high elves. Korgash was stopped by the combined wrath of all sane gods before he could claim more victims, and the Staff of Plotholes was returned to Beastlands' Tower.

Kobolds Ate My Baby: New Year's Eve 2005

The minions of King Torg (ALL HAIL KING TORG!) find themselves in a post-game epilogue involving Beastlands' Tower.

Stars of Destiny

Beastlands madness and his crazy tower are revealed (to the Stars of Destiny) to be part of a deeper plot in the fight against Quan'thosk'alys, concocted long ago by the brilliant wizard Beastlands at the cost of his own sanity.


  1. 1: Twin Worlds: Age of High Culture - Session 15
  2. 2: Prophecy - Session 5